It seems to me that one of the most difficult things to figure out is when to cut your losses and run. And it happens with every single thing in your life. When should you leave the job your in and go and try something new. When should you leave the person you’re with? When do you admit that a person who was once a good friend of yours, isn’t really your friend anymore? It is one of those issues that goes against the very human nature to find a rut and stay in it. Or perhaps that’s not an issue of human nature, but Amy nature – and me being me, I just assume that everyone is similar is some fashion to me. That is, I think, a fault of mine… but also a different issue. This giving up point emerged this weekend when one friend of mine finally decided to get a divorce. This isn’t the first time that she has come close to this point, but she backed away and gave it one more try. And she may well do so again… Even though the thing she married (can’t really call him a man because he’s not mature enough to be one) doesn’t really deserve said second or third chance. But of course, I don’t love him, nor have I seen him naked – so perhaps I don’t have all the information. But when it comes to relationships, when do you say, I’m done. In my own life, the one relationship that I had prior to Jose – if you call dysfunctional fag hagging a relationship, the giving up was in stages – sort of an emotional leave taking without admitting anything followed by a physical leave taking. But since the emotional distance happened first, the physical parting wasn’t so bad. And what caused the leave taking – misery and the desire for something better. Giving up at Eleventh Street was much easier – sort of made that decision upon my second dealing with Satan – and then it was just a matter of finding another opportunity – and then a year or two to remove myself from my resentment that Satan stole the dream / goal / life plan that I had for myself. And again, there was an emotional / mental leave taking first. Those sorts of choices seem so much easier to me than others. These were clear cut. A matter of misery or happiness. Really what choice is there. But then there are other vaguer choices – choices that aren’t life altering – and are really a matter of annoyance or inconvenience vs. not being sort of annoyed sometimes. Like when I went to my high school reunion and for a moment thought – wow, maybe I’ll have some friends from high school – only 20 years after the fact. And then, well, that didn’t happen. And though I had saved phone numbers into my address book on my cell phone and email address to my contact list, and would occasionally include said people on a group email, eventually, I had to come to the realization that some mythical closeness, ATT commercial reunion, wasn’t going to happen. And even then, it took me another two weeks to delete phone numbers from the phone. On the flip side, with the age of technology, I can really not put forth an effort, but keep up with people and satisfy the “how are they need” without committing to actual relationships. And I suppose, ultimately, if I weren’t the type of person who had to quantify relationships – identifying, classifying, assign levels of involvement, then perhaps life would be easier. I’m sure there are people out there who say, she’s my friend and friend means friend means friend. And she’s as good a friend though I don’t see her ever, sometimes email or chat via facebook, and have very little in common as is he’s my friend, who i see every day, talk to every other day, and share personal stuff with. Do people do that? How do they do that? How can they be equal? They aren’t equal. But I think the people who do that are also able to say “oh , here comes so and so, I don’t like her” to themselves as they chat politely and animatedly to the person – whereas, I say, “I don’t like her” and then half smile and walk in another direction. It’s an issue – this letting go, saying goodbye – but I’ve no solution quite yet.
