Serrano Family 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
On Death and Funerals
My aunt betty recently passed away. And I have to say that Oh MY God It Was the Worse Funeral Ever!!! I don’t know how many funerals you’ve been to, but I do know that going to only one bad funeral is all you need in order to put your affairs in order.
My Aunt Betty passed away the weekend after Thanksgiving. Now, my Aunt Betty was a fashion-ista if ever there was one. She didn’t leave the house unless she was looking her best. And if she didn’t look her best, you better believe she wasn’t feeling well. This woman who was definitely the red suit type of woman – was buried in what appeared to be man’s button down shirt that was about 3 sizes too big and some loose frumpy skirt. She was frumpy – My Aunt Betty was never frumpy a day in her life.
And then the actual funeral. My goodness, I don’t know who the man was who gave the sermon, but I do believe that he had just been released from Western State Hospital. He spent more time telling us how he didn’t want to die and leave his wife – and how it says in the Bible that you won’t recognize the people you love when you get to heaven and if that was the case he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go. I kept waiting for a word of comfort to come out – and occasionally he would mention that Aunt Betty was in heaven – but then he’d say something that made heaven seem to be a really terrible place to be. Now, the music was pretty good – but that may be because Daddy and Jodi were the ones who were singing. And Aunt Betty’s daughter got up and said a few words, as well as Caroline, Aunt Betty’s granddaughter. That part of the service was really good – and I would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Anyway, as I was walking out of the funeral home, I decided that it was important to know what you wanted to do during a funeral. Now, personally, I’m not planning on having a funeral. Why you ask? Well, do I need to remind you of my 13th birthday party. I am not paying a bunch of money for a funeral to which on one will attend. For the very few people that I know that I think will come to my funeral, I’m thinking that they can come to the house or something. Besides, I’m going to be cremated. I’m still flirting with the idea of donating my body to science – because then they cremate you for free and send you back after a year. At which point, anyone who is still alive will be ready to go on a trip to dump my ashes someplace cool. Of course if Jose is thinking of using that dump the ashes thing as a free second honeymoon then my spirit will come right back down and crash his plane.
So, I suppose when I think of funerals, I don’t really think of my own. I think of my grandma walker’s and my mom’s. I think grandma walker’s should be a more formal, traditional affair. I’m sure daddy will give the sermon – he did for granddaddy walker. But I think it would be nice for Jodi or someone to get up and say something. But Mom’s funeral I think is going to be different. I think we’ll have joyful not sorrowful music. I can already hear Spirit in the Sky blasting the funeral home speaker system. And I know that she has often mentioned having a new Orleans brass band playing – but I’m not sure we’ll be able to pull that one off – but maybe some music.
If anyone has seen love actually – I would love the video slide show thing – or the movie with all the pictures and happy memories put together. Laughter through tears sort of thing.
The other thing that struck me as I was sitting in the funeral - trying not to listen to the crazy man who was telling us that dying sucked for everyone – was that when you are in a funeral – you grieve not just for the person who has just died. You grieve for every loss you have ever had. It is the biggest, most intense pity party ever held. But it is cathartic. There is release and you do feel better after it is all said and done. I suppose it’s the same at weddings – the reason why people cry when they aren’t really that close to the bride or groom – because it’s a new beginning, a rite of passage, a momentous, life-changing event – and we are either remembering our own, imagining that of our own children, or perhaps mourning some lost chance / love. Either way – there is an outpouring of emotions – and I suppose it explains why so many people get laid right after. Though I must say that I have never had funeral sex -- but then I haven’t been looking for it either – so who knows – maybe the next funeral I’ll get lucky.
My Aunt Betty passed away the weekend after Thanksgiving. Now, my Aunt Betty was a fashion-ista if ever there was one. She didn’t leave the house unless she was looking her best. And if she didn’t look her best, you better believe she wasn’t feeling well. This woman who was definitely the red suit type of woman – was buried in what appeared to be man’s button down shirt that was about 3 sizes too big and some loose frumpy skirt. She was frumpy – My Aunt Betty was never frumpy a day in her life.
And then the actual funeral. My goodness, I don’t know who the man was who gave the sermon, but I do believe that he had just been released from Western State Hospital. He spent more time telling us how he didn’t want to die and leave his wife – and how it says in the Bible that you won’t recognize the people you love when you get to heaven and if that was the case he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go. I kept waiting for a word of comfort to come out – and occasionally he would mention that Aunt Betty was in heaven – but then he’d say something that made heaven seem to be a really terrible place to be. Now, the music was pretty good – but that may be because Daddy and Jodi were the ones who were singing. And Aunt Betty’s daughter got up and said a few words, as well as Caroline, Aunt Betty’s granddaughter. That part of the service was really good – and I would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Anyway, as I was walking out of the funeral home, I decided that it was important to know what you wanted to do during a funeral. Now, personally, I’m not planning on having a funeral. Why you ask? Well, do I need to remind you of my 13th birthday party. I am not paying a bunch of money for a funeral to which on one will attend. For the very few people that I know that I think will come to my funeral, I’m thinking that they can come to the house or something. Besides, I’m going to be cremated. I’m still flirting with the idea of donating my body to science – because then they cremate you for free and send you back after a year. At which point, anyone who is still alive will be ready to go on a trip to dump my ashes someplace cool. Of course if Jose is thinking of using that dump the ashes thing as a free second honeymoon then my spirit will come right back down and crash his plane.
So, I suppose when I think of funerals, I don’t really think of my own. I think of my grandma walker’s and my mom’s. I think grandma walker’s should be a more formal, traditional affair. I’m sure daddy will give the sermon – he did for granddaddy walker. But I think it would be nice for Jodi or someone to get up and say something. But Mom’s funeral I think is going to be different. I think we’ll have joyful not sorrowful music. I can already hear Spirit in the Sky blasting the funeral home speaker system. And I know that she has often mentioned having a new Orleans brass band playing – but I’m not sure we’ll be able to pull that one off – but maybe some music.
If anyone has seen love actually – I would love the video slide show thing – or the movie with all the pictures and happy memories put together. Laughter through tears sort of thing.
The other thing that struck me as I was sitting in the funeral - trying not to listen to the crazy man who was telling us that dying sucked for everyone – was that when you are in a funeral – you grieve not just for the person who has just died. You grieve for every loss you have ever had. It is the biggest, most intense pity party ever held. But it is cathartic. There is release and you do feel better after it is all said and done. I suppose it’s the same at weddings – the reason why people cry when they aren’t really that close to the bride or groom – because it’s a new beginning, a rite of passage, a momentous, life-changing event – and we are either remembering our own, imagining that of our own children, or perhaps mourning some lost chance / love. Either way – there is an outpouring of emotions – and I suppose it explains why so many people get laid right after. Though I must say that I have never had funeral sex -- but then I haven’t been looking for it either – so who knows – maybe the next funeral I’ll get lucky.
On the perfect gift
I have long been in search of the perfect gift. Each Christmas and birthday, my family and friends come to me and ask “what would you like?” And I never seem to have an answer. There are many things that I like, but what do I want to receive as a present. I am not one of those people who likes to receive practical items for gifts. I would rather purchase a practical item myself. Unlike many, I will not use the money that I would normally have spent on that item and buy something frivolous for myself. For example, my mom wants someone to get her a norelco shaver for Christmas. And all I can think is what a crappy thing to unwrap. Sure it’s something that I wanted, but if I really wanted it, I would have already bought it for myself. Which leads me to the other problem with buying me presents. If I want something, usually, I’ve already purchased it for myself. Unless it’s really expensive, at which point, no one that I know will be able to buy it for me anyway.
Deep down inside, I want someone to know me well enough to find that perfect gift for me. I don’t want to open a gift, see a leopard skinned make-up case, and wonder – who do you think that I am – that you think this is a good gift for me – it’s clearly not a good gift for me – 1. I’m not a leopard skin print person – have you ever seen me in leopard skin print? No. And 2. Unless you are planning on dying immediately after I open the present, there’s really no need for the make up as I haven’t worn make up in probably 10 years- I know that I wore some to my wedding – and perhaps some to my friend Mary’s wedding – but when I saw the pictures that showed me looking like Lulu from Hee Haw (big hair is not my thing) – well that was probably it. So why did you think that I would want a leopard print make up kit –do you know me? I think not.
Jose, particularly, has difficulty buying gifts for me. He asks what I want – and every time, I feel like it’s a test. What would you buy me on your own. Now to be fair, most gifts he has bought for me are touching – I look at them and see the thought he put in them and am grateful and happy. But, Jose lacks a general sense of taste – or at least his is different than mine. But he’s getting better. But there is no fun in telling him what I want – because there is no surprise there – and I would so love – some Christmas or birthday morning to unwrap a gift that is exactly what I always wanted even though I never knew that it was exactly what I always wanted. But I’m doubtful that such a thing will ever happen.
Deep down inside, I want someone to know me well enough to find that perfect gift for me. I don’t want to open a gift, see a leopard skinned make-up case, and wonder – who do you think that I am – that you think this is a good gift for me – it’s clearly not a good gift for me – 1. I’m not a leopard skin print person – have you ever seen me in leopard skin print? No. And 2. Unless you are planning on dying immediately after I open the present, there’s really no need for the make up as I haven’t worn make up in probably 10 years- I know that I wore some to my wedding – and perhaps some to my friend Mary’s wedding – but when I saw the pictures that showed me looking like Lulu from Hee Haw (big hair is not my thing) – well that was probably it. So why did you think that I would want a leopard print make up kit –do you know me? I think not.
Jose, particularly, has difficulty buying gifts for me. He asks what I want – and every time, I feel like it’s a test. What would you buy me on your own. Now to be fair, most gifts he has bought for me are touching – I look at them and see the thought he put in them and am grateful and happy. But, Jose lacks a general sense of taste – or at least his is different than mine. But he’s getting better. But there is no fun in telling him what I want – because there is no surprise there – and I would so love – some Christmas or birthday morning to unwrap a gift that is exactly what I always wanted even though I never knew that it was exactly what I always wanted. But I’m doubtful that such a thing will ever happen.
Tumblebugs
Tumblebugs
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a video game mode. I just haven’t really been into playing too much. Not since the days when Craig, Lesa, Mom and I would pile up on the floor of the living room with the Nintendo guide, some sodas and snacks and begin to conquer the worlds of Final Fantasy or Zelda have I really been interested in any sort of gaming. Sure, I’ll play tetris, or scrabble, or some card game – especially when I was on dial-up and had to wait for hell to freeze over so that a file could download or upload.
My friend Jenny invited me to play a game at her house – called Tumblebugs. Now you can get a free demo of the game online – but let me warn you that if you have not played it, you do not need to do so – it’s crack / meth / heroine in the form of little multicolored balls that move around your computer screen. Sure at the beginning, on level 1 or 2, you’re thinking oh this is nice. It’s pretty easy, nothing too difficult. It’s a great distraction. And when you reach level 3 and see the pretty purple and orange colors begin to show up – well you are just so excited for the additional challenge – and that’s when they get you. Those first levels are so easy, that as you advance, you just know that it won’t take anytime for you to make it through the next board. And it’s faulty logic. It’s a scam.
I spent almost 2 weeks on level 8 – two weeks mind you shooting little balls at other little balls and getting killed. Over and over again. I played so much that when I went to sleep at night, I could see the moving line of colored balls and hear the satisfying pock pock sound that it was made when I fired another ball. The happy little jingle when I “freed” some of the bugs from the evil black herding bugs. Even now, while I’m typing, I’m thinking of the stupid game and wondering if this time I’ll make it through all 6 boards of level 9 – wondering if somewhere there is a cheat that will give me 10 lives so that I can make it through all 9 boards of level 9; hoping that level 10 isn’t more difficult – though I know it will be and wondering how bad was level 12 that had jenny stumped 3 weeks ago when we’d stopped by –
I tell you video games are evil. And I’m not sure that we need them in the house. How can I tell the boys they can’t play their games because there are more important things to do – and then jump on the computer the instant they get off. I hate those damn bugs – and if it weren’t for the fact that it’s taken me so long to get where I am and I don’t want to do those boards again – I swear I’d delete the damn thing and never play again – but – well – i’ve come so far – and I have two weeks vacation – and I’m hopeful that maybe, just maybe I’ll make it through – but I swear if this game is like chips challenge and has 100 levels instead of just like 15 – I’ll have to put it away --
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a video game mode. I just haven’t really been into playing too much. Not since the days when Craig, Lesa, Mom and I would pile up on the floor of the living room with the Nintendo guide, some sodas and snacks and begin to conquer the worlds of Final Fantasy or Zelda have I really been interested in any sort of gaming. Sure, I’ll play tetris, or scrabble, or some card game – especially when I was on dial-up and had to wait for hell to freeze over so that a file could download or upload.
My friend Jenny invited me to play a game at her house – called Tumblebugs. Now you can get a free demo of the game online – but let me warn you that if you have not played it, you do not need to do so – it’s crack / meth / heroine in the form of little multicolored balls that move around your computer screen. Sure at the beginning, on level 1 or 2, you’re thinking oh this is nice. It’s pretty easy, nothing too difficult. It’s a great distraction. And when you reach level 3 and see the pretty purple and orange colors begin to show up – well you are just so excited for the additional challenge – and that’s when they get you. Those first levels are so easy, that as you advance, you just know that it won’t take anytime for you to make it through the next board. And it’s faulty logic. It’s a scam.
I spent almost 2 weeks on level 8 – two weeks mind you shooting little balls at other little balls and getting killed. Over and over again. I played so much that when I went to sleep at night, I could see the moving line of colored balls and hear the satisfying pock pock sound that it was made when I fired another ball. The happy little jingle when I “freed” some of the bugs from the evil black herding bugs. Even now, while I’m typing, I’m thinking of the stupid game and wondering if this time I’ll make it through all 6 boards of level 9 – wondering if somewhere there is a cheat that will give me 10 lives so that I can make it through all 9 boards of level 9; hoping that level 10 isn’t more difficult – though I know it will be and wondering how bad was level 12 that had jenny stumped 3 weeks ago when we’d stopped by –
I tell you video games are evil. And I’m not sure that we need them in the house. How can I tell the boys they can’t play their games because there are more important things to do – and then jump on the computer the instant they get off. I hate those damn bugs – and if it weren’t for the fact that it’s taken me so long to get where I am and I don’t want to do those boards again – I swear I’d delete the damn thing and never play again – but – well – i’ve come so far – and I have two weeks vacation – and I’m hopeful that maybe, just maybe I’ll make it through – but I swear if this game is like chips challenge and has 100 levels instead of just like 15 – I’ll have to put it away --
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