The Continous Journey of Parenting

Well, it would appear that just when I thought I had a handle on the whole parenting of a college teenager, Franklin decides to expand my skill set. Last Saturday, Franklin was supposed to arrive at our home at the usual time of 11:00 p.m. This of course means mostsly 12:00. And of course this is a nonconfrontational rule break because Jose and I are always in bed and asleep by 10:00 (I'm usually asleep by 9:00). Sunday morning, as Jose and awoke for a daily 4:00 a.m. potty break, Jose noticed that the living room light had been left on. This is not normal. He then walked to check the door, which was left unlocked, also not normal, and with a feeling of barely contained irritation, he looked out the door to see that Franklin's car was not in the driveway. And because I have trained him so well, he immediately trotted back to the room, climbed back into bed, and said, "Franklin didn't come home last night." That he came back to bed and appeared to be getting ready to resume sleep seemed a bit odd. But it was all a clever ruse. His intention was to tell me so that I could be the one that got angry. And angry I did get. I never once thought that he was hurt, injured or in jail, as I was positive for any of those incidents, we would have received a phone call. Thus commenced the parental, "what are the consequences" talk. Jose was quick to select grounding from computer and xbox. I was equally quick to point out there was no way to enforce those things, and he didn't really use them that much anyway because he wasn't home that often anymore what with classes and work. And of course there's not a lot you can do in the terms of doling out consequences to a 19 year old boy who pays for his car, his insurance and his phone. And that being the case, I didn't think that I really had any choice in the matter. It was going to have to be a "do you wanna go with this, or you wanna go with that" sort of moment. I can't make him follow the rules, I can't make him respect the reason for the rules. But that being the case, I don't have to continue to have the discussion or the argument either. So, I had Jose go downstairs and get the big suitcases and I, in less than 15 minutes, had everything that he owned packed and piled in his room. It was time for Franklin to make a choice...it was a watershed moment...perhaps for us all.

So, Franklin came home about 30 minutes later. It was, I am sure the second time he'd seen that time of morning. And from there the 3 hour conversation began. Well, perhaps conversation isn't really the right way to describe it, because Franklin doesn't really hold up his side of the convesational obligation...he does a lot of shrugging and unintelligible mumbling. The line drawn in the sand...you have to decide to stay and follow the rules, or you can choose to leave. But the choice has to be made now. And suprisingly, Franklin decided to leave. You would be surprised how quickly irritation and ire would transform itself to worry and self doubt. I honestly didn't think he'd leave. But I'm not sure why I thought this. Franklin is the same boy who decided to take a 100 point zero on a math test so he coudl finish a 10 point homework assignment in English. And of course, there is the Erica effect. Erica is the tatood, pierced 18 year old girl who is still a senior in high school but doesn't live with her parents anymore because she had problems with her parents girl who Franklin likes as a friend but finds physically attractive so he's having sex with her, but he's not serious about her, they are just friends. And suddenly, it all made sense. Franklin's ability to think rationally had been seriously impacted by the blood loss to his penis. Oh sure, the blood had probably been rushing there during showers and late night private sessions for quite some time...but now..well the blood had purpose and is really more dedicated to the area than it had been in the past. And really, rent free environments can never compete with free, unimpeded sex...no matter how wierd, ugly and trashy the girl. And as it turns out, Franklin, ever the master of lie by omission, decided that Erica was just the person to house him during this "transition" period from home to his own apartment. Of course, we didn't find that out until this week. I'm quite certain that she will be her own blog in the future. Despite the entire stress and worry caused by Franklin's rapid, unprepared departure, Jose could only admit that he did release a giant sigh of relief that Franklin wasn't gay. It's nice to have all the world put back into perspective.

 

I'm not quite sure how in the course of my life, most of the people that I call friends are conservatives, republican, tea party wanna bes, whatever you want to call them. For the most part they seem to be normal, upstanding people on a daily basis, but when it gets down to politics, they turn into these me against them, it's my money don't touch it kind of people. And I just can't figure it out. I sometimes think that perhaps they grew up privileged, never having to worry about money, being able to drink milk, not just use it on cereal. Maybe not having those type of worries would explain that let everyone take care of themselves sort of mentality. And I always find it ironic that these same people are also fairly religious. It seems that the two ideas are fairly contradictory. I mean, seriously, if you're going to walk around with a What Would Jesus Do bumper sticker, tee shirt, tattoo, can you then tightly grasp possessions and material things while slapping away the hands of anyone who needs it. Ahh... do you hear it... the affronted gasp of all my friends who are saying that it's not like that. But really, that's what it seems like. Didn't Jesus reach out and provide aid those who needed it most. Did he turn away lepers and beggars? I confess I'm not a Bible reader or really religious for that matter, but I'm pretty sure that if he did, those hell fire and brimstone preachers I've been exposed to in my life (which have resulted in my not being religious) would have probably mentioned that. They are surely quick enough to mention that you're supposed to tithe and give offerings (which would make me feel better if they weren't driving around in 60,000 dollar cars, living in banker houses. It always makes me wonder if tithing is paying a salary and for a vacation or is for the good of those less fortunate. That's all that church as a business stuff... which is really another topic entirely. But it does seem to me that talking politics is about as dangerous as talking religion. People take both very personally, and perhaps it's because I'm in the bible belt that religious beliefs and political affiliation seem to go hand in hand. It's not the first time that I've wondered how different life would be if I didn't live in the south. Are there really places in this country where there aren't more churches than gas stations and grocery stores? Are there places where you don't have to hide the fact that really, you're not a church person and not worry how everyone will view that...or have them begin to pray for your obviously lost soul. Still... a whole different topic...but the two are closely tied for me... and I admit that most likely that is my own, freakish, liberal, democratic, lost perspective.

To add insult to injury, I live in Kentucky, where a democratic vote doesn't really count. And I don't know that happened. My Granddaddy Broadbent was a tried and true democrat, and preached voting democrat his whole life. When I first registered to vote when I was 17, if I wanted to vote in the primary election, I had to register democrat. And now, well, voting democratic is about like pissing in the wind to put out a fire in front of you...it just doesn't do any good. And that's frustrating. Mostly because I am so morally and ethically oppositional to the fundamental beliefs of the conservative party. I was a child who was on free and then reduced lunch when I was in school. That's a government program, a big government, help the needy program. And I received a pell grant, without which I wouldn't have been able to attend college, nor would my sister have been able to do so. And having been the recipient of these social programs, I am more than happy to pay it forward, and help the next generation. I don't really mind if my taxes are raised so that someone else might have health insurance. I don't mind to pay a little extra so that someone in need might not be in pain, or homeless. That's not to say that I want to give everyone with a hand out a free ride. But that's not the same as having a total lack of willingness to help. It just makes sense to me that if everyone gave a little, then it could make a big difference.

On top of this general confusion is also an absolute bewilderment at the polarization of the people of our country. And the fantastic notion that there are people out there who hate... HATE HATE HATE HATE Barack Obama. And I just can't figure that out either. I mean the fact that you can listen to him give an address and not cringe as he butcherificates the English language should seriously be enough to make the entire county kneel down and bless him for not perpetuating the notion that Americans are all imbeciles. That's not to disparage our last president, though I could. But it's really hard to have faith in the intelligence and decisions of a man who is barely able to utter a correct sentence. And how can you not respect Barack when he's introspective, admits to failures, or falling short of his desired mark, and takes responsibility for his choices and his failures. It seems to me that the game of politics is beginning to eat away at the fundamental principles that were the foundation of our country. I don't know if the founding fathers could foresee the greedy, self serving nature of our politicians and if that's what they intended to happen. Perhaps when you are planning a country for 13 states and a score or two of men, you don't foresee what it's like to work with 439 ( ish) men and women who had to beg, borrow, steal and sell their soul to get their position where they could beg, borrow, steal for more power, money, and benefits. Where's the Mr. Smith of our generation? Who will restore the ideals and the integrity of our politicians? Wouldn't be nice if an average joe, who wasn't a millionaire, who didn't have an ivy league education and a silver spoon could be elected. Actually not just one, but 300 or so? I like the fact that Barack Obama had to repay student loans. At least he knew what it felt like to have to borrow money to go to school (even if it was ivy league). But I highly suspect that any average joe who decided to try, would not be able to withstand the temptations and would soon be just as corrupt as everyone else. And that's really a shame.

In the end, I don't know what the answer is. I don't even know what I want the answer to be. I do know that I'll hold firm to my policy of biting my tongue when political discussions begin. I have learned the hard way that you just can't cross that line. There's no talking someone over to your side, because your side is a culmination of all your life choices, beliefs and ethics (and if I were being bitter and pity, I might include intelligence level and logical reasoning, but some would say that is hardly fair). It would be nice, though, if within my lifetime, we could find a way to all work together for the good of all mankind without the thought of profit or returns. Isn't that what Jesus would do?