Yesterday at church (yes I was at church), Elijah’s Sunday school teacher took the time to tell me that Elijah was such a good child. He was smart, funny and very helpful. And while I was very happy to hear such praise, I wasn’t sure what to say in return. And such is the case whenever someone tells me something nice about my child.
When someone tells me that Isaiah’s such a cute baby – I don’t feel as if I can or should take credit for that. I am fully aware that it was simply a matter of a series of freak accidents that united the right genes to make this child. When they tell me that he’s so small, I’m tempted to say that “well, we’ve really been keeping his food intake down. We’re trying to get him to fit into Elijah’s old baby clothes and they’re one season off.” Or when someone notices that his eyelashes are so long, the only response that I can think of is “yes, but his head will soon grow into them. Eyelashes stay the same length all your life, it’s the size of the head that changes.” And in doing this, I have found that people will often believe whatever you say, as long as you sound like you know what you’re talking about.
And as for Elijah’s recent compliment. Well, I am so tempted to take credit. I mean I have been responsible for his instruction of behavior over the last 4 ½ years. Shoot, I’m able to modify his behavior by simply raising two fingers one at a time. If I have to raise three fingers – well then that’s all she wrote. And let me just say that such a skill is a blessing when you are out in public. Rather than having to argue with my child or negotiate, I can simply raise the finger and immediately he realizes that his time is coming to an end. But back to the original point, I ultimately can not take too much credit for the goodness that is in my oldest child. Because he has some traits that I am quite aware he did not inherit or learn from me. For example, on his 4th birthday, Kunkle Wow (my brother) and Big Mama bought Elijah a new bike – the cool one that looks like a harley. And after taking a short spin on the bike himself, Elijah immediately got off and let others ride the bike too. Without prompting, cadjoling, begging, anything. He volunteered to share his new toy. And sharing is something he didn’t get from me. No question about it. He shares everything he has without problem. Though, he will say to his playmate that “you can play with it but you can’t take it home with you.” And when he does, I feel a sense of relief that at least he isn’t some selfless saint. I don’t share well. Offering to share my stuff or my time or myself makes me anxious the minute the words are out of my mouth. An offer to help out or give something which comes so readily to my lips is immediately followed by a few moments of mental anguish in which I am hoping that the offer will be rejected. But not Elijah. And my son, is good – or rather genuinely nice. This I think he got from his father, because I am not all the way nice. Elijah cares about his friends and their feelings. When he’s begging for a toy, he always wants to get more than one to share with a friend – and unlike me, he actually gives the other toy to the person he bought it for. At soccer practice last week, he stole the ball from another player to make a goal. And when that little boy sat down and was upset, Elijah went back to tell him that he was sorry. And as I watch him, I am amazed that he’s like that. I didn’t teach him that. I would be walking next to the pouting boy, calling him a baby and making sure everyone knew that I had scored a goal. But Elijah, who does like to win, was more concerned with the feelings of his teammate. And in that way, he is foreign to me.
So that’s the deal – My eldest son is good, helpful, kind, chatty, and a little funny I think. And I can’t take credit for any of it, he came that way. The only credit I can take is that I try to give him the opportunity to grow in those areas. My youngest son, is small, pensive, an observer, and not fussy – and again, I can take no credit for any aspects of his personality. I was literally merely a vessel used by them so that they could begin their journey.
And how will I deal with the compliment? Well, I think I shall learn to just say thank you. And in my head, where my internal conversations about how I can’t take credit for such – I shall tell myself that I am thanking them for recognizing some special gift that my children have, not taking credit.
