The backhanded compliment
A friend who should really be considered a relative, of mine recently sent me an email with this comment:
I don't know if I have told you but I am very proud of the wife mother, and person you have turned out to be. When I think back to your younger days I am amazed at how well you have done. Keep up the good work.
And you know, I didn’t really know how to take it. My first instinct is to see only that she is offering me a compliment on being a good wife, mother and person. And then, I tend to take a bit of offense that it seems that she is very surprised that I turned out so well considering how bad I was when I was younger – of course she doesn’t mention that the corrupting influence on me at that time when she knew me was her own son. But to be fair, she’s equally surprised that he is going to turn out well too.
The odd thing is that I don’t really feel any differently than I did then – and it’s been 18 years. I still feel about the same as I did in high school. I have more friends. But I do the same things now that I did then – or would have done then if the personal computer had been such a big thing. But really, I didn’t do that much stupid stuff. I was usually the designated driver on the weekend, not the drunk throwing up in the car. Though the one time that I got really drunk, was in her basement. But better to get drunk in a basement than out and about somewhere.
I suppose I could go on and on about how I wasn’t such a bad person – and haven’t evolved into anything special. I will say that all things considered, I’m a bit calmer about what I believe and what others believe. I don’t feel that it is my job to change the minds of others. And, after working with republicans through two elections, I have learned to keep my opinions to myself while others spout theirs. There’s really no point in going there – because no one is going to change their mind, and people are just going to get angry.
A part of me believes that Kay, like my dad, feel that I’ve improved because I go to church regularly. Though I should warn them that actual attendance does not a pathway in the Christian heaven make. I still struggle with the basic principles of organized religion. I’m not a big fan in the one and only way to heaven – just like I’m not a big fan of the we are the sole reason the universe was created. And should the rapture come in my lifetime, well, thank god for the seven years of trials and tribulations. Though it will suck because you know Jose will be a first draft pick and who will I find to do the house work and grow the vegetables in the garden when I’m not going to be able to buy them from the bad people – do you think that will be a good diet?
But I digress. So, I’ll take the compliment as exactly that. I’m not going to lose any sleep over the so much better than I thought. I’m sure, if my graduating class manages to have the 20 year reunion, that I’ll probably hear a bit more of that this year than I’d like to – although I’m also sure they’ll all say I look just like I did in high school – fat people just don’t age – it’s a gift.
