I was sitting at Elijah’s football practice talking with Melanie and Ashlee (two of the parents). And I was discussing my blog about the back-handed compliment. Melanie then proceeded to tell me this story.
My aunt and I were in Krogers. She’s about my size. (Melanie is heavy – not huge – I’d guess a size 20/22). And this woman and came up to us and said “You two look like you know how to cook, can I ask you a question.”
Now what makes you think we know how to cook, Melanie thought to herself. The woman then proceeded to hold out a pound of hamburger and a can of manwich mix. “can you tell me what I can do to dress this up?” Melanie responded, “Please don’t tell me that you’re on a date and fixing him manwich?” The gentleman next to the woman responded that they were married. And Melanie’s aunt, told the woman to sautee some onions and green peppers.
Now, while I was laughing joyously at the story – which is much better when she tells it than when I write it, I decided that it was a blog worthy topic. There are some inherent differences between fat people and skinny people. And you can tell if someone has been fat or if they will be fat using this one criteria.
Fat people – past, present and future – will give you directions to any place in town by using food stores.
A fat person would tell you that to get to my house from WKU, you needed to take the bypass and turn right onto Scottsville Road, there will be a Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Taco Bell on opposite corners. Take that road until you get to Crossroads IGA – you’ll pass the sonic, the zaxby’s and a high school.
A skinny person will use road numbers, stoplight numbers, street names. But fat people will use restaurants. I first noticed the phenomenon when I worked at Kinko’s. The fat people used restaurants to guide to the store and skinny people – well truth be told they tended to give crappy directions.
I am a bit interested in the ask a fat person how to cook while in the store. Which is a new approach to be sure. Though to be fair, as I told Melanie, fat people may not know how to cook – we are simply gifted at lifting the utensil to our mouth with astonishing frequency and accuracy.
