There are seasons in the year that make me yearn for yesterday. Usually, it’s spring or fall. I don’t know what it is about the first warm days of spring, with the faint breezes and the green leaves bursting forth that takes me back to my childhood, but it does. There is this bird that begins to sing in the spring. I don’t know what kind of bird it is, but to me it always sounds like the old hinges on the swings at school – that odd sort of creaking that isn’t unpleasant, but simply a playground sound. And after going to the bird song web site (http://www.learnbirdsongs.com/) I can’t find the one song - because each one that I click on sounds like the playground to me – so maybe it’s just the spring sounds, and being back outside. (although, it may be a robin or cardinal – but I don’t hear it in the winter even though I see those birds)
It’s during the spring and fall that I will invariably try to get in touch with people from my past. It is during that time that I wonder what happened to people I used to know. And sometimes I find them, and sometimes, I don’t. And sometimes it’s awkward, and sometimes it’s not.
As a mother, spring is a time to create new memories for my children. To find a way to awaken them to the simple pleasures of life – which gets harder with each passing year and the conveniences of the modern world. When I was little, I thought nothing of swimming in the pond. It was water when it was hot and it was close. But you couldn’t pay me to get inside a pond and swim now. I used to like to walk up creeks, look at crayfish or try to catch them – or perhaps more often than not put my hand down to catch one then jump out of the way when it looked like I just might do it. The first one is always, but always the hardest. The first one is the one you have to talk yourself into. After that, it’s really not so hard. And by far, crayfish are no where as creepy as crabs (giant hard shelled spiders is what those things are). And now, sometimes I think how much the boys would enjoy something like that – and my mommy brain conjures up having to rush from said creek to the emergency room because Isaiah’s left arm has been nearly amputated by a snake. That and not really knowing any places that have said little creeks that aren’t guarded by crazy, toothless people with guns. Who knew that being a mommy would give you a whole new set of fears to overcome – or make the old ones that you thought you had overcome hit you all over again. And when it comes to that, what is about being a human that makes us want to recreate memories for our children. I’d like to take my kids to Current River in Missouri, or to Ava. Those were places that I thought were magic when I was little. And I want my sons to have a wow place like that. On the other hand, I don’t really want to go back and ruin the memory for myself – what if it turns out to be nothing more but a whole in the wall, some skanky place that my older, snobbier self wouldn’t want to touch? How badly would that suck?
So, as I work my way through this mire of wants and cans, I do my best. And, to my credit, I do take lots of pictures and then set them to music – which makes even the crappiest event look special – seriously!
