The Family Bed
It is constantly amazing to me that there are so many people who will sneer at me when I say that Elijah, Isaiah and I all sleep together. Or when Jose gets home, he grabs the baby and heads to another room to get some sleep. The general opinion from the sneerers is that I must be raising some sort of mama’s boy – or keeping my son a baby – and that it’s not natural. And for all of them, I say poo poo on you.
First of all, I’m pretty sure if in the old days, people didn’t have to cuddle together for warmth they wouldn’t be sleeping on the same bed in the first place. And if that doesn’t suit you, then assume that I am reincarnated from british royalty in which my husband and I had separate chambers – and if that doesn’t work, how about in a past life, Jose was my pool boy who I had an illicit affair with, but could never spend the night with. There are many married couples who don’t sleep together. And let me tell you why: someone will snore (me and jose – first one asleep gets the best sleep) or talk in their sleep (me), or is hotter than the hubs of hell (jose) or wants the room to cold (me) or wants something that the other person doesn’t like. And honestly, after the first year of marriage, there really aren’t any massively meaningful conversations going on in the bed before sleep anyway.
With children, the family bed changes meaning. The first several months, it’s all about sleeping. I am the type of person who once awakened, is awake for a couple of hours. So, with both of my children, putting them in the bed to make nursing or feeding them more efficient, meant that I never had to wake up all the way to feed them, and I was able to sleep. Then as the child gets older, the bed time ritual is much easier when everyone takes part. Now, for those of you who stay up late, this won’t work. But I got to bed at the same time that my kids go to bed – so why not make the routine work for everyone. And when we all pile up in the bed (and most moms – even if they don’t sleep together will get in the bed with their toddler) and read a story or chat for a few minutes. As that usually knocks me right on out – so I pass out, Isaiah is passed out and Elijah watches t.v. for a while longer. And I have no doubt that because of this sleeping arrangement, the bond with my child is stronger. Not because we are asleep in the same bed, but because we share that extra time at night and in the morning. Because of this, I know that my son talks in his sleep. And I fight the urge to talk back to him to see what’s going on in his dreams. Though he did ask me for a cookie once, and complained about it being his toy. And on the very rare occasion that he had a nightmare, then I was right there to comfort him. And as to when he’ll decide to leave my bed and sleep on his own, well the answer to that is when he’s ready. Which will no doubt be before I’m ready.
