During the week, Jose and I were talking and I had a bit of an epiphany. I have spent a lot of time comparing what I have – or didn’t have – to those around me. I started when I was in school. It was no picnic being in the classes with all the haves and being a have not. Creating and strictly adhering to my own social status. I spent a lot of time being ashamed and embarrassed that I didn’t have the nice things that everyone else could have. And as I grew older, I’d listen to kids in college complain about how when they graduated, their parents wouldn’t pay their car insurance or rent any longer. And at work, listening to peers talk about how their parents did this, or gave them that, or bought this, or provided a down payment for their home. And a big part of me was jealous. Not that my parents wouldn’t have done so – but no one in my family is sitting on a hidden million or so – so it was just a matter of not being able to provide those financial supports. In retrospect, I don’t regret growing up poor. It’s made me somewhat money savvy – not as much as Jose whose childhood redefined poor. My brother’s attitude is that it’s all just paper and metal. But in some aspects he is a great funnel for money – in that when he has it, he spends it – but isn’t much on setting any aside for a rainy day. Jose would prefer to save than spend any day of the week. And I would like to have enough money to pay all the bills with enough extra money so that I could buy what I wanted. Ideally, I wouldn’t mind being in a place where $50 isn’t a lot of money – and I’d probably pee all over myself if I was in a place where $1000 was the equivalent of my $100. So, I spend a lot of my time trying to figure out how much people make, how they can afford the luxuries they have.
I think another reason for this mindset is that I firmly believe that my mother grew up in a family I would consider the genteel poor. Not really having a lot of money, but needing to appear proper. Not the Rocking Horse Winner genteel poor where we were in debt in order to keep up appearances. But the save to buy the really good stuff and then keep it in good condition forever. My Aunt Betty has amassed a good sum of money in this fashion. Uncle Billy would allot a specific sum for weekly expenses. Aunt Betty would shop frugally and all the money she saved, she invested. That she saved the money and didn’t spend it is amazing to me – but you get the idea.
Anyway, back to the epiphany. If I look at where I am, financially, I have come a long way from where I started. I have a nice home. No, it’s not a new home, it’s not worth $250,000 – it doesn’t have that new paint smell or hard word floors (though hard wood floors would really be nice.) – I make enough money to pay all my bills, save a little for retirement, and occasionally take the bargain-hunters weekend excursion. And, I like my husband. We get along. We like each other – though don’t kid yourself, he can occasionally be annoying and a tad critical – but then I’m lazy about anything that has to do with the house and very bossy – it really all evens out. So, essentially, I am living the American dream – in that I am better off than my parents were – maybe not as they are now – but than they were at my age. And I am happy, content, fulfilled, and so on and so on. This doesn’t mean that I’ll ever be good at looking past the fancy trappings that some people have – or never covet my neighbors house, pool, barn, land (though never ever her husband – no offense patti). I have enough – and I need to recognize that I have enough – and let that be. Now, if I could also gain some patience when it comes to buying the expensive stuff that I want – I would also be debt free (thank god for interest free financing).
