Visions of Sugarplums
I’m not an avid dreamer – to my knowledge. I know that I talk in my sleep on occasion – but very seldom have any memory of the dreams that I have. Jose however remembers many of his dreams – and remembers several of them. Now, they are almost always set in El Salvador – and there’s usually some sort of gun / danger or sign from god – and I suppose if my dreams were ½ as interesting, I’d remember them more too. But I don’t. Now that’s not to say that I don’t have a relatively vivid imagination. I remember that not long after I became a mother, I discovered that the 90% of my brain that I wasn’t using was apparently devising scenarios in which I would be in some life threatening situation and I would have to figure out a way to save Elijah and then myself. Every yellow light – go or stay – decision was met with a flash of a horrific car crash and my trying to get Elijah from the burning car. And such a “fantasy” is what had me up this morning at 3:45 – and then coloring my hair at 4:00 a.m. because I couldn’t get back to sleep. I don’t know if I was having a dream – but I awoke in the save the kids mode – the scenario – someone was trying to steal my car – (the scenario was from the Law & Order episode from that evening). And how would I talk the man with a gun into letting me get the kids out of the car and not killing any of us. That turned into a simple stolen car with baby inside scenario. On some level these scenes seem psychotic – crazy – but as I was brushing my teeth at 4:15 with hair dye in – I decided that there was some benefit to the scenario. They are sort of like personal plans of actions. I mean at least I’m thinking about something – how is it any different from a fire escape plan for the house. At which point I immediately decided that I would have to get Elijah out of the window first and then hand him Isaiah. And of course as I’m typing I’m hoping if ever there is a fire – I have enough warning to grab all my pictures and scrapbooks before I have to leave – because my pictures are irreplaceable – though the first few years should have thousands scattered among family members – Anyway – I’ll probably invest in a fireproof box someday and store my stuff in there – As for my carjacking scenario – I didn’t really get anything resolved with that issue – and have decided that it would be good to carry my digital camera in my pocket at all times to get pictures of anyone who tries to steal my kids – unless I’m have a really bad day and then decide they can keep them for an hour or two.
As an aside – I saw the news today with the 2 month old who was pulled from the water in a garbage bag. And after I recovered from the total lack of understanding and healthy dose of horror that anyone would do that as I’m trying to find some way to prevent such things from ever happening to my kids – I wanted to point out that the people who saved that child were Hispanic. And thank god for the Hispanic people who are out by the river in February – probably fishing – and able to save that child’s life. What a lucky little kid he/she will be – cure for cancer as we walk.
