We spent about 4 ho urs at the Children's museum in Indianapolis, and I've decided in many ways you are able to classify parents by the types of conversations they have with their kids. It seems that I was in scientific classification mode during my trip. Being eclectic myself, I find that I represent many of these groups on different occassions -- in teaching we call that effective practices.
1. The Gifted Parent: These are the parents who are quizzing the child they bring to the museum before, during and after the museum visit. I wouldn't be suprised if they didn't have flash cars in the car. These children are this museum to learn, damnit, not have fun. They often glance casually around to see if anyone has witnessed the utter genious of their child. This parent often tries to emerge from my. Perhaps because I can justify the expense of the fun trip if it's educational. Maybe because i'm a big fan of incidental learning. I think in part it's also the teacher pleaser part of my personality - that i will most likely instill in my kids - as it will help them be a bit more successful in life - doing what is asked, politely. But, as I find that these types of parents are a bit of a buzz kill, I try not to let the learning overcome the fun. And for that reason, I also often let the next parental type emerge.
Gawking Redneck. This is the parent who wants to push all the buttons on the elevator, and any exhibit. Who wishes they were small enough to crawl up in the beehive slide. This parent isn't bothered with reading all the signs at each exhibit, or playing cheesy educational museum games -- look for clues in the passages indeed -- you want me to look for something it better have a sticker or a stamp attached to it. This parent often feels sorry for the nerdy chid who can't just have fun, and passes sympathetic looks to the staff when they have been cornered by the gifted parent seeking to demonstrate the knowledge of their child to a trained professional. The gawking redneck calls escalators and elevator's rides and will let their child climb on anything that looks like it won't get broken and have to be paid for. To be successful in this role, you have to be able to ignore the pointed looks of the other mommy's.
The anyplace but here - or as I like to call it, the Jose. This parent walks into the room, looks around quickly and decides there is nothing of interest there. They are often seen snapping their fingers at their child and informing them to stop that because the next little kid wants a chance. It is for these parents that seating is available. If they must sit around and watch their child waste their (the parent's) precious time, well they might as well be comfortable. This type of parent has a lot in common with angst ridden teens who would rather die than be caught dead going anywhere with their, gasp, parents.
Ms. Manners is the kindergarten teacher wanna be. This is the parent who reminds their child to say please, thank you, and excuse me to every person they come into contact with. They live in abject terror that any object retreived from the ground will cause their child to fall ill with the plague, AIDS, or some other STD. They always carry baby wipes, germ killer cream, lotion, q-tips, snacks and juice in their purse. They are often considered to be the UBER-mom -- and i'd almost be envious except that the ms. manners mom almost always turns into the if we weren't in public mom -- and who needs that aggravation.
The If WE WEREN'T IN PUBLIC parent. This is the parent often seen chasing the runnign toddler or dragging the crying child. They use very firm voices, many times so firm that they are just shy of shouting. These parents are really an evolution. I think they most often begin as the gifted parent or the Ms. manners parent, and lose the battle with the child's tendency to be in motion. Early in the day, they are using their nice kindergarten teacher voices to encourage their child to behave. By lunch, this voice is heavily interspersed with heavy sighs, a few pleases, and some abrupt requests. By day's end, we are in full mommy voice mode, veiled threats are being made -- and often the whisper appears. The whisper is when the mother pulls the misbehaving child close to her in what appears to be a loving embrace. However, what is actually occuring is that same mother, who was all sugar cookies at 8:00 a.m., has now told her child that if he doesn't begin to behave, it is very likely that there will be monsters placed under his bed and in his closet when they return home and when they come out at night to eat said child, mommy will not be there to scare them away. And mommy will not let daddy come either - because bad boys and girls deserve to get eaten. And usually, this parent is seen carrying their crying, terrified child out of the museum.
As for me, well -- who knows -- I don't fit exactly into any one category. I know that i'm very rarely the if i werent' in public mom -- except with Jose who doesn't enjoy our FFO's over much and by the end of an hour is getting extremely grumpy. There's an awful lot of the gawking redneck within me - but i like to think of that as the grown-up child instead -- though it's just a label change the qualities are actually very similar. And of course, I'm sometimes the anywhere but here mom - and that's why i'm able to make all these observations. I get to sit and watch the other moms and dads deal with the trauma. And sometimes i get so tickled -- at what parents say -- and even more so how other parents --seeing the meltdown about to occur will slow their walk, and stare out the corner of their eye -- and then invariably get a smug little smile and walk on thinking how much better their kids are than those kids...
