Isn't it funny how with your family you operate constantly under the misconceptions that you created throughout your childhood. Your sister is the same as she was at 8 or 13 or whatever age you remember her the most in your head. Sort of the same concept as the age you think you are. You know, when someone asks how old are you, your gut answer is 28, and then you remember . . . no, I'm 39. Oh my god I'm 39, when did that happen. How can I be 39 with a 3 year old, am I crazy?
It's no different when you describe your brothers, sisters, mom, dad, grandparents. They are forever frozen in time somewhere in your head. Well, not always, I suppose it depends on your family dynamic. If you're one of those families who see each other or talk to each every single day, you have that running change going on. But if you don't see each other every day, or talk all that often, your family sort of becomes like your friends from high school that you are seeing again for the first time at a 5 year reunion. They are who they were then. And because you expect it, you get it.
That aside, it's all well and good to be operating under false impressions when you are the one operating. It's really much easier and less involved than having to actually work to build and grow a relationship. But, when you are on the receiving end, you often sit around thinking "why in the world would they think that." In fact, a sure sign that you or your family is suffering fromt his dilemma is the wierd birthday / christmas gift. "why thank you for the leapord print / gold lame shoes and matching handbag. I love them!" oooh oh oh -- or "Wow! a Clinique make-up kit with complete brush set, and hair rollers. I needed these!" And you sit back and mentally ask yourself what about you made someone think that those were gifts that you'd like. And true to form, they are stuck in that creating the you now from the you in the past. After my last post about anonymous responses, I went back and read a couple of my other responses. And my sister had written a couple that had a comment about -- huh, who would have thought we were alike -- or -- see you judge just like you say I do. Now, I must say that I don't really remember having said to Jodi that she was a judgemental person -- maybe when I was 19 -- but I can't be sure - it sounds like something I would have said when I was 19. But I worry that there are people that I care about who have a misconception about what I think about them - that I don't really like them, that they've done something for which I still hold a grudge (Terri - I do not hold a grudge, I swear, I swear, I swear - I remember but not with anger - it's just a good story).
And then it takes me to a place where I feel that perhaps such misconceptions are more a reflection on myself than I'd like to really admit. What sort of unforgiving vibe to I put out there -- I can't be intimidating because too many people give me a hard time. And I'm the first to admit that I'm aloof - really. I compartmentalize people - relatives, step-relatives, work friends, out of work friends. And seldom to people cross over -- and I don't like to mix my groups - makes me anxious. And I suppose, that ultimately, since I'm not really forthcoming with my thoughts and feelings (I see no reason to tell anyone when or how Jose and I had sex, when I last had my period, or what my last bowel movement felt like) nor do I want to hear that information from anyone else - that I may be a bit hard to take / understand / like.
It's a quandry and requires more thought -- ties into that reoccurring theme about never having had "best friends" like the Sex and the City girls -- but as I'm getting older I can honestly say that I really don't think I want that kind of relationship with anyone - I mean seriously, who has time or energy or interest in getting all caught up in someone else's life and problems. Sort of answers that why you dont' have those kinds of friendship questions on it's own doesn't it. Oh well, it could be worse. I could smell.
